


blood and water

by lostin_space



Series: my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts [12]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, mentions of childhood abandoment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:44:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21950917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Alex takes Isobel to go see his mother after two decades.
Relationships: Isobel Evans & Alex Manes
Series: my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569967
Comments: 13
Kudos: 57





	blood and water

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brightloveee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightloveee/gifts).



> I know alex says in canon that he's spoken to his mother, but let's pretend.
> 
> a slightly late day 12 of my 12 (actually 13) days of gifts for lovely Grace! I hope you like this even if it's just, like, 80% dialogue and you were the only person I didn't get any prompt or anything at all for and this is simply me being a grandmother gifting you handknitted socks and hoping you'll wear them anyway merry christmas!

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t take my brother with you.”

Alex clenched his jaw as he, not for the first time, second-guessed the decision to ask Isobel to come with him. He’d woken up two mornings prior to a phone call from an unknown number and, when he answered, he’d been shocked into silence at the sound of his mother’s voice. He hadn’t heard it in _years_. Decades. Michael had asked him if he was okay and it was the only thing that shook him out of it enough to respond.

She had told him that she missed him and would like to see him if he was up for it. She provided her address that was painfully close by in one of the reservations and asked him to come for dinner in two days. Alex had been unsure if he was willing to put himself out there like that, but she told him there was no pressure and she would understand. She just wanted to get to know who her boy had turned out to be. 

With a little persuasion, Alex had agreed.

“Because your brother wouldn’t have kept me calm if things go wrong,” Alex admitted, “He probably would’ve fueled it while you’re really good at smoothing things over.”

“I can see him being like ‘that’s right, baby, fuck her up!’” Isobel said, mocking Michael’s voice in a way that made Alex roll his eyes, “But I see your point. Glad I can help.”

“Well, I’m paying you in food, so,” Alex said. Isobel gave a shiny grin.

Things fell silent for a little while as they continued their drive to his mother’s house. The longer they were silent, the more Alex’s mind was wandering. He tried to focus on Michael’s encouraging words that it was only one dinner and would be closure for him. Two decades had passed with him never knowing why his mother left him completely. He had theories, but none of them seemed to explain why she had waited twenty years to reach out to him.

“So, Kyle and I went on a date last night,” Isobel started randomly, turning to face him in the car. Alex had to blink a few times before her voice registered in his head. “Wanna hear about it?” 

Alex glanced over at her and got the feeling that she saw his mind racing. He smiled.

“Sure.”

Alex listened to her talk about it in specific detail as he drove, nodding his head along to her repeating basically word for word their debate on what to eat. He allowed himself to get too invested because it was easier to get invested in their dumb date. It wasn’t even a first date. It was simply a date. And Alex was so thankful for the story.

However, it eventually came to an end as they pulled up to his mother’s house. It wasn’t big and it wasn’t super impressive. It was small and the yard wasn’t very kept up with. The paint on the shutters was faded and the gutters were stuffed with debris. But the door looked normal and the mat in front had welcome written in 20 different languages. Despite that, Alex looked to Isobel for the strength to get out of his car.

“The sooner we get in, the sooner we get out,” Isobel said and Alex nodded.

He could do this.

Walking to the door seemed to take forever. It was painstaking and he kept looking at Isobel to make sure he should keep going. Part of him wanted to bail and to just go back home to his boyfriend and his dog where things were going great. This just felt like something to disrupt it.

“We can leave if you want to,” Isobel said, “But I don’t think you want that.”

And she was right which was annoying.

Alex knocked on the door and then waited. He waited. When it finally opened, he felt like he’d been punched in the face and, thankfully, Isobel was standing close enough to grab his arm and steady him.

There in front of him was his mother.

She was shorter than him now, but, aside from that, she seemed to look exactly as he remembered. The eyes she had given him were still the same. Her hair was still as dark as his. Her smile was the same as his. Her face structure, her skin color, her _everything_. It was too much.

“Oh my, look at you,” she said. She reached out for a hug, but he stepped further into Isobel rather than accept it. She dropped her arms. “You’re so grown up.”

“That’s what happens after twenty years,” Alex said before he thought about it. She gave a sad little smile and Isobel squeezed his arm.

“I know. I’m so sorry it took me so long,” his mom said softly, a voice too similar to his own when he spoke to people he loved. It made him feel sick. He suddenly wished he brought Michael if only so he could’ve held his hand. “But you’re here now. I want to get to know you now.”

“And we came all this way so we could do just that,” Isobel said, giving that all too charming smile that reminded Alex why he brought her, “Hi, I’m Isobel.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Alex’s mom said, smiling kindly at her and then letting her eyes go back to Alex. “Do you guys wanna come in?” He took a deep breath.

“I guess.”

Walking into the small house felt like a whole new wave of surrealism. She had pictures lining the walls and on every surface that could hold them. There were pictures of him and his brothers, but nothing recent. They all stopped two decades prior. There were more recent ones of other children though. Pictures of her with people Alex didn’t recognize, kissing and cuddling and smiling with them all. Sometimes they were in front of Christmas trees or fancy holiday dinners, sometimes it was just _because_.

“Who is this?” Alex asked bluntly, pointing to a picture on the mantle. It was the biggest and it was of his mother, a man with much darker skin than them both and much more native features, and two little boys all smiling in front of a house covered in Christmas decorations. It sat badly in his stomach.

“That is my late husband, Lewis, and his sons,” she answered slowly. He looked at her sharply.

“You remarried?”

His mother gave a tight smile and nodded. This was clearly an uncomfortable topic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“I met him a year after I left your father. We married a year after that,” she explained. He kept staring. Simply, silently begging _’and the kids?’_. She sighed. “John and Rickie lived with us. They’re a bit younger than you, they moved out a few years ago. Lewis died in 2014.”

Alex stared at the picture a little longer. His mother raised two boys that weren’t hers, but couldn’t be bothered to know her own children. He couldn’t understand that. He felt anger rise in him.

“Did he know about us?” Alex demanded, “Did he know that you abandoned your children?”

“Alex, can we please talk about that after we’ve eaten? I want to know about you and your life before we get into the parts I’m not proud of,” she asked. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked to Isobel who had a painfully blank face. 

“Just tell me this one thing first. I deserve to know,” Alex said as a compromise. His mother sighed again, shifting in her discomfort.

“Yes, he knew,” she said.

“And he let you be around his children?”

“Alex.”

“ _And he let you be around his children?_ ”

“Yes, Alex, he did,” she said. Alex scoffed and turned to Isobel. He couldn’t understand why someone would marry someone who was known to abandon her family. “Can we please talk about something easier?”

“Fine,” Alex agreed. Just get it over with.

“You have a beautiful home,” Isobel jumped in, still on Alex’s arm to try to keep him calm. Admittedly, it helped. 

“Thank you, Isobel,” his mother said with a forced little smile, “Should we sit down?”

Alex and Isobel followed her to the couch, exchanging a silent conversation that contained a lot of Isobel telling him to play nice with her eyebrows. He agreed reluctantly and decided that at least he’d get rewarded for it. Either by her or Michael, it didn’t matter. He could push through.

The two of them sat on the loveseat across from his mother. She picked up a mug with a slightly shaky hand that Alex assumed he had caused. For some reason, he couldn’t find any remorse.

“You guys are very cute together, by the way,” she said, hiding the smile behind her mug. Alex just stared at her.

“I’m gay,” he said simply. Her eyes widened in shock. He tried not to show how badly they rubbed him the wrong way.

“So am I,” Isobel added, giving a truly Isobel smile as she propped her chin on her fist. Alex folded his lips in and looked down at his lap for a moment.

“Oh, sorry,” his mom laughed softly, unsuccessfully brushing off the awkwardness her assumption had brought on. “You know what, I’m gonna go check on dinner.”

The moment she was out of earshot, Alex turned to Isobel with a smile.

“Isobel, you aren’t gay,” he pointed out. She shrugged, waving him off.

“Yeah, but I hate that straight people assume that friends of the opposite sex should date. Heteronormativity is lame.” 

Alex let out a soft little laugh and shook his head. He never thought he’d say it, but thank God for Isobel Evans.

“Good point.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket before they could say anything more and Alex was relieved to see it was from Michael. Isobel took the opportunity to check her own.

_ Michael: hows it going? _

_ Alex: Fine. I deserve a medal for this. _

_ Michael: i’ll see what I can do 😘 _

“So, uh, tell me,” his mother said as she came back into the room. Alex locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. “What have I missed in your life?”

Alex scoffed, “Everything?” Isobel elbowed him at the same time she tilted her head and gave him a motherly look that he didn’t think she had the right to. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Well, did you graduate high school?” she asked. He held his breath. She really knew _nothing_.

“Yeah. And then I went into the Air Force, lost my leg in combat,” he said. Her face went stoic then.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I didn’t know,” she said softly.

“How could you when you weren’t there?” 

“He’s ridiculously smart, though,” Isobel jumped in, “He has a job at some really prestigious tech company, basically runs the damn place.” 

“Well that’s nice,” his mother said, her fake smile still in place. She kept looking him over, looking for signs that he was broken. It was the first thing he’d seen all night that had snapped any desire to make her feel bad by saying how bad things went after she left. He didn’t want her to find anything. He didn’t want her to win.

He refused to be broken.

“I live with my boyfriend, Michael. We’ve been together since high school,” Alex said with a truly cynical grin. He knew he was embellishing a little, but he couldn’t help it. Her eyes widened and her smile seemed to grow into something a bit more genuine.

“That’s so nice to hear. Why didn’t you bring him along?”

“He had to work,” Alex lied. He didn’t have to do anything. Alex had forced him to pick up the extra shift so he wouldn’t spend all day stressing.

“Oh, well maybe next time,” she said. 

Then things fell silent. He very quickly realized that he didn’t have anything interesting to tell. Well, he did, but nothing you could tell someone that was practically a stranger. He didn’t want to tell her how hard it was after she’d gone and he definitely couldn’t tell her that he was currently in the middle of dismantling a government conspiracy. There was nothing to say.

“His brothers are doing good too,” Isobel said because of course, she would be the only one to be able to continue the conversation, “I’ve only met them a few times, but they all seem happy.” It was a lie too, but it was a good lie and Alex applauded her for it.

“That’s good to hear too,” his mother whispered, “I tried to call them, but they didn’t pick up.”

_Oh, so I was the only idiot? Good to know._

“I feel like we’re beating around the bush,” Alex blurted, “Why can’t you just go ahead and tell me why you left and why it took you two decades to call me?” 

Isobel squeezed his arm again as they watched his mother shift uncomfortably in her seat. She sighed slowly and clearly seemed to be gathering her thoughts. He waited very impatiently.

“Your father… I’m sure you know, but your father wasn’t a good man. Staying with him just wasn’t an option for me,” she said slowly.

“That doesn’t explain why you left us with him. If you knew he was bad, why would you leave us with him? Why would you leave us with no one to protect us?” Alex demanded, keeping his voice steady. _I am not broken._

“Alex, you don’t understand. I didn’t have the means to take care of all four of you on my own. It was better for you to live there than to live with me when I had nowhere to go.”

“I would’ve rather lived like that than live with my father.”

“No, you really wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I wouldn’t want,” Alex scoffed, “You don’t know me. You don’t know what he did to me. And you don’t know because you left and didn’t bother to even try.”

“I wanted to reach out to you, Alex, but your father made that impossible.”

“And after we turned eighteen? It was impossible then?” he wondered. Her shoulders dropped and she rubbed her eye.

“At that point, I wasn’t sure if any of you wanted to see me again.”

“Then why now? Why not just stay away now?”

“Because I realized I was missing out. I’ve already missed out on so much and I don’t want to miss out more. I want to know you and your families and your friends. I want to be a mother to you,” she insisted. She sounded so, so sincere. A younger Alex would’ve bought it. A younger Alex would’ve hugged her. A younger Alex would’ve been stupid.

“I don’t need a mother anymore,” Alex stated simply.

Her lips almost pouted. It was childish. It was frustrating. Alex wanted to leave.

“Everyone needs a mother, no matter how old.”

“Then where were you!” Alex snapped. Isobel held him in place and grounded him to reality. He took a deep breath to calm down. “Nothing you say will excuse what you did, don’t you get that? You chose a completely different life over your own children. You didn’t even try. That’s unforgivable.”

Alex watched as she closed her eyes and bowed her head. They sat in silence and, while it was probably only a few minutes, it dragged on for ages. It was too much. Alex hated it with a passion. He wanted to go home.

“I know that. I know I can’t make up for leaving you. But I would really like it more than anything if you could give me a chance to be a part of your life. Maybe not a mother figure, but just… A part of it,” Lily Manes, or whatever last name she held now, said. Alex simply looked at Isobel for permission. She gave him an encouraging smile that fueled him enough to look back at Lily.

“I’m not ready for that.”

They left the house shortly after, but they stood outside the house for an extra five minutes. Isobel pulled him into a smothering hug, a comforting hand on the back of his head as he held him close. If she noticed that a few tears slipped, she said nothing. She just waited until he was okay enough to drive.

“I’m proud of you,” she said as they got into the car, “That took guts.”

Alex looked at her, really looked at her. He felt more love for her at that moment than he had for his mother in years. She was family. 

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
